Commentary:

The text below was found inserted in the text with shakey handwriting in blue ink. Probably written by Sam B. the Worthless Editor, but might also be Carl M himself.

May the Youth of today not be lost to bull minded dullness of demeanor. May they grow up to be jaded and unwise and nihilistic. May they sacrifice their innocence for vapid pleasure, and their ears for Wild Music of nameless passions. But Lo! they do not desire music of nameless passions and true decadence! They hunger for pre-chewed Slop and Political philosophies that require nothing but drawing an X on your hand and beating on people who don't agree with you that the X is cool. They get good grades in school and do something with their lives! The greate Shrimpe ain't gonna be happy when he sees this, no sir-ee. You are all gonna be in Deep SHIT!

From the Secrete and Incomplete Booke of Shrimpe (fragmente #354)

I. the sacrilege of Steve-O and the great Shrimpe's curse

1Lo, it was the time of the winter solstice and the Shrimpers were divided and doing their own things for a while 2 when the great Shrimpe Awaken from his slumber. And he Spaketh forth, rousing his humble servant Carl M.rks the poser out of bed.
3 He Sayeth:
4I have heard a sacrilege hath taken place, against thee almighty and true punk gods The Sonics. Someone Hath draggeth them down to Your level, oh small and talent-less singer. They hath said the Sonics are lower than me, lower than a mere community of like minded hipsters such as yourself. 5Bringeth me this Man! Bringeth me the foreskin of Steve-o: the pounder of skins for the dull and brutish band All Limbs Attached.
6But Carl M Protesteth: My Shrimpe, my greate Shrimpe, Am I not your humble servant in Hepsterness? Do I not emulate the ludicrousness of your demeanor, do I not willfully and gleefully make a hypocrisy of my self by worshiping the one true God? Am I not, in fact, a good Lutheran boy, instead of truly believing in you? Do you not find this pleasing?
7And the Great Shrimpe Spoketh again, and he said: Yes, I do findeth it pleasing that you are a hypocrisy in my name, that you desire self-destruction and nihilism in the name of Shrimpedom and Hepsterdom, but to maintain my love and command, you must bring me the tip of Steve O's nose.
8Carl M, prostrated himself again and cried: But oh, my Shrimpe, does not this venture carry with it danger and a lengthy prison sentence? Please my lord, spare this poor hopeless wretch of a posuer, Steve O, and wish him well instead. May he play his instruments hard and with love, and may they take him wherever he may want to go. 9Instead, let me sate your hunger for repayment for this sacrilege that doth shake the very bowels and the bowels of the bowels of our beings... there is Free 100 proof Absolut Vodka and Ma-Huang pills involved.
10But lo, the sacrifice was not enough for such a sacrilege as slandering the name of the great Sonics. 11And so Carl M was sober and healthy for two weeks, and his lips did not taste alcohol, and his lungs did not inhale smoke of any form. Then He played his guitar religiously for thirty five and a half days, he did not partake of self-pleasure for this whole time, nor did he lay with the very pretty girl he had picked up at the beginning of the semester.
12 And he was a wretch. He did not sleep, for he was uncontrollably taken over with desire for anything that moved. 13He wrote sad, mopey Psalmes to the great Shrimpe to be heard by no one but him, and for thirty five and a half days and nights he lay prostrate before the great shrimpe and begged to spare Steve O's foreskin.
14But on the second half of the thirty sixth day he did not, and the greate shrimpe was pisseth offeth.
15He speaketh:
Very well, I will spare the life and the nose of that poor miserable wretch Steve O of All Limbs Attached, but I will curse him in the name of Shrimpe and all that is hep.
16May his drumsticks break as he plays, and may his well of creativity dry up so that he might never pen another word again. 17May his ears ring so loud he will stay up at night and moan. 18May his food have preservatives in it, and may he always follow his friends. 19He will be leadeth to the streams and drowned in the sea of Vapid ideologies two-fold, three-fold five and five fold and thirty five and a half fold.
20May he seeeth patterns and morals that are not there, that only exist in his middle-class cultural identity, and may his eyes not see to read otherwise. 21May his vision be tunnel, so that he misseth the entire world. 22He will walk like a blind man, he will be seen as a leper to all those who are hep. 23May he lose the beat and lose his interest and become some lawyer, may he lose his vague hopes for changing the world that does NOT DESERVE to be saved. 24May he always be a Straight-Edger, and may his rebellions always be superficial and dull and conservative yet seem reasonable and brilliant.
25May he wasteth his life making money and being unhappy, working a nine-to-five job and have two point five children and live in the suburbs all his life, and never taste 100 proof Absolut Vodka.

1And Carl M beggeth to spare Steve-O the curse, but the great Shrimpe had already drinketh all the vodka, and had run off with Carl M's girlfriend who was completely baffled by his lack of interest in her lately and just really wanted to be desired by someone. 2And the greate Shrimpe was a smooth talker and doth putteth on his late nineties Pop-Punk and wooed her with his vapid observations on how life would be so much grander if we all just loved each other and stopped using drugs and just sat in our rooms listening to Pop-Punk and writing flame mails to obscure bands that will never matter to anyone anyway.
3And Carl M then fasteth for a day and drank the vodka he had stashed in his flask and was Drunk and felt sorry for himself and wroteth a song entitled "Alone at the Party" that he hateth and no one else cared much for either. 4He then went home where the other shrimpers were, and they wept for many days over the poor miserable wretch Steve-O of All Limbs Attached and his sacrilege5 And the Shrimpers decended into obscurity and were never remembered, and were never cared for and grew up and graduated from college and got real jobs and were content with their lives.6 And no one remembered them, as it should be.